Headstone

Bay Horse

Bay Horse

Can be a bit of a dark horse
I've just been over to Wales to put Christmas flowers on the family graves, something I couldn't do last year because the borders were closed owing to covid (the first time in 49 years I haven't walked up the hilly and remote churchyard during Christmas week with an armful of flowers). One thing never changes - it is always cold up there.

On my way home, I went to a town cemetery and put flowers on my father's parents' grave, my 'nain' and 'taid'. It is unmarked and has never had a stone. My grandfather died just after the end of WW2, when my dad rushed home on leave from Burma to miss his funeral by just a couple of days. My grandmother died a few years after that - they are in the same plot. I paid a fee several years ago to be allowed to view the burial register, on a hunch that they were in that particular cemetery, which is when I identified their plot - no one else could tell me where they were buried.

The question I have is, has anyone ever had a headstone put in place for a long-deceased ancestor, and how easy is it? Is there a lot of red tape? Would I have to contact other family members to ask permission, if I could even track them down? I believe there are three surviving grandchildren, myself included.
 
I have never been in that situation, but I would have thought the place to begin would be the town council, or whoever is in charge or oversees the cemetery. They surely would be able to give you some advice.
 
The proper authorities will probably be interested to know if you own the grave, and if not, who does? Have you ever found any grave deeds? Probably not, if you didn't originally know where the grandparents were. Would the other grandchildren have them?
I asked a similar question once, and the response was to ask me if I had the deeds (didn't then, do now). Then I said if i got hold of them I had the means to prove my descent from the owner named in the grave records, but they weren't interested in that. Just turn up with the deeds in your hand, they said, and they would assume I was the current owner. This was Liverpool RC Archdiocese about a grave at Liverpool Ford RC cemetery. Wales and other denominations may be different, of course.
 
You say it's a churchyard. Contact the vicar (probably best left 'til after the 25th - he/she might be a bit busy right now ;)) and ask.
If there's no reply, go to the Parish Council.
They should be more than happy to have you take responsibility for the grave. (They're responsible for the safety of visitors - they don't want to be sued when someone trips over a kerbstone or has a loose headstone land on their foot!)

The churchyard I'm photographing at the moment has several graves that have had new stones put in, and I sometimes meet someone who's "doing up" their gt/grandparents graves. It seems to involve a lot of digging and buying new stones. And gives a lot of pleasure.

Good Luck!

Jane
 
Interesting, Barley. This is the sort of thing I expected I would be up against. I have no idea about any deeds. The plot cost a pound, and I think the name giving payment in the cemetery book was my uncle, who died in the 70s. All of my grandfather's children have passed on, of course - my dad was the youngest; he died in the 80's. Most of the first cousins have gone; there are just two of us surviving. So - that well could put a block on it. My uncle's son, who might've inherited any documents, has also long gone.

Encouraging, Jane - it's obviously something that people 'do'. Unfortunately the plot in question is in a town cemetery and not the churchyard (I know the vicar there quite well, so I could've just met for coffee!) I sat reading through the cemetery rules and restrictions yesterday, which were as long as my arm and which prompted my post, because they seem very strict about a lot of things. :confused:
 
Slightly different, but we buried mum's ashes in with my maternal grandparents and added a second, smaller, memorial stone to the grave.

The plot had originally been bought by my grandmother and was never officially 'passed down' when she died.

The council took the view that my aunty - as my grandmother's only surviving child - was therefore the only person with the 'right' to acquire the plot, but as there was a cost involved she agreed that I could be joint owner (is that the right word?). There was a bit of paperwork to fill in, including some extra forms to add me on, but none of it was difficult. I can't remember the cost, or whether I had to produce the original deeds (I don't think I did, although I do have them) but I think it was around £100 or so in total.
 
Several years ago, I found the burial place of my 2xgt grandfather. He was in Catholic cemetery in a public 'paupers' grave with other people, which had no headstone. I spoke with the man in charge in the office and he said we could put a 'tablet' headstone on the grave with the inscription we wanted. They were very helpful & advised on which Stonemason to use.

Good luck!
 
AnnB said:
Just a thought Jenny, how about contacting an undertaker local to the cemetery?
Click to expand...

I considered that, but the local undertaker dealt with my mum recently, even though she wasn't buried around there - she died in the same town. I'd already considered that... I drove past the chapel of rest yesterday and shuddered and thought, no. It was actually my mum who suggested I marked the grave a couple of years ago.

I think it would be courtesy to try and get hold of the other first cousin, too, if I can, before going ahead.

Chimp said:
I bought my plot just over 10 years ago, it cost me £297.40 :eek:
Click to expand...

Ah, but I imagine a pound was a fortune in 1946 after the war, too.

dizzyme said:
Several years ago, I found the burial place of my 2xgt grandfather. He was in Catholic cemetery in a public 'paupers' grave with other people, which had no headstone. I spoke with the man in charge in the office and he said we could put a 'tablet' headstone on the grave with the inscription we wanted. They were very helpful & advised on which Stonemason to use.

Good luck!
Click to expand...

Thanks @dizzyme. I think I am going to have to contact the chap in the cemetery office again, who is very affable... I checked and it's the same person in charge. That will have to wait with Christmas and New Year, but very valuable input on here from everyone - thank you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top